Stories From My Past: The Underwear Model

So, this story came to mind because in the not-too-distant past, I encountered a co-worker (male) with a similar condition. This happened to me in Jr. High school, maybe early in High School.

First, to set the stage: The classrooms at my school were set up with a door on the side. These doors had a glass panel about 2-3 feet wide next to them, so that you could always see inside the classroom. Most teachers put posters up over the glass to give their room a little privacy.

The doors also had little hooks on them. It was common for the students working in the office to come by and leave notes, announcements, etc on the door while class was going on. Most of the student office assistants were female, and more than a few of them were lazy.

So one day in some class I was in, an office assistant came by to hang something on the classroom door outside. Since she was lazy, she was in no hurry. There was a poster in the panel next to the door, so she stood there and read it. The poster was at the right height to obstruct view of her from the waist up. And her pants were undone.

This was not just a, "oh, hey, your fly is open" sort of thing. Zipper down, button open. There was no additional skin showing (for those who are worried about the direction this story is going).

Now, shift focus to inside the classroom, where a very bored Jeff is not really listening to a teacher drone on about who-knows-what. I was about to fall asleep. I was also sitting very close to the door. I turned my head to the right and looked out the window panel... and there was a pair of disembodied lady's Hanes directly at eye level, not more than 6 feet from me.

Now, as a hormonal Jr. High teenaged jumble of nerves, I thought my wildest dreams were coming true. My reaction, given the circumstances, was pretty respectable. I said, "GAH!!!". At about 110 decibels.

Classroom activities ground to a halt.

Now, most of what happened next is speculation, because I was distracted. You could also say I was focused. The term, "Tunnel Vision" comes to mind. I don't remember the teacher doing or saying anything. There could have been a brass band in front of the classroom for all I knew. A female student from my class ran over to the door, opened it, and spoke franticly to the office assistant. I have no idea what was said... it could have been French for all I knew. The office assistant jumped, turned, and ran down the hallway. I assume the wardrobe malfunction was fixed along the way.

I don't remember anything else from that day. :)