You Are Not Interesting

Today I get to speak a rare phrase. Pat Sajak has inspired me.

Let me set the stage. This week is "Pet Lover's Week" on Wheel Of Fortune. When Pat introduces the contestants, he also asks them questions about their pets.

On Monday, he introduced a lady who had one cat. "Yeah, I don't have a lot of pets, but I love my cat a lot," she coo'd. Looking at his note card, Pat said, "...and it says here, there's something interesting about your cat's name."

"Oh," she said dismissively. "He's just named after the gym I go to."

Pat was crestfallen. "Oh, so not really interesting, then." The audience roared with laughter while he backtracked. "Sorry, it's just... that was my fault, for building it up like that... let's move on to our first puzzle..."

At first glance, Mr. Sajak had faux pas'd like a hot dog vendor at a PETA meeting. But I think he was unintentionally brilliant. Trend-setting. A truer maverick than John McCain could ever dream of being.

It's a revolutionary idea. What if it was acceptable in our society to bluntly tell people when they are not interesting? It would, at a minimum, revolutionize conversations with Tony Kornheiser. Imagine being in an unfortunate conversation and being able to interrupt the speaker with, "Sorry, this is totally my fault for noticing, but you are just flat dull. Change the subject now or I'm out."

It gives me warm fuzzies just thinking about it. Notice how I accept blame at the beginning of the statement, keeping the Dunder-Dunce-Dork from being able to accuse me of making a personal attack. It's foolproof!

I encourage you all to try it out next time you find yourself discussing Star Trek with someone who's a few decades over the target demographic. Together, we can make this socially acceptable! Together, ... we can change the world.

You're welcome.