Progress

I've been thinking about progress lately. I remembered what it was like to move out of my college dormitory into my very first apartment. The joy I felt could best be summed up by the phrase, "Welcome back to the world of 2-ply, baby!" Those were good times.

Of course, apartment life gets old. In late April, my wife and I moved into our first house. What joy it is to walk around the place and say, "I own *both* sides of this wall, baby!" If folks get too close, I can shoot them. These are good times.

It seems reasonable to expect that things will only get better from here. I look forward to my first gated community, my first private empire, my first fleet of warships. My minions will build air-conditioned visitor centers so that I won't have to smell the tourists. I'll be known as the compassionate iron-fisted overlord.

Those will be *really* good times.

But quality of life is more than just family, possessions, and absolute tyrannical authority. There's also *me* to consider. How can I expect to enjoy my private beach resort when I'm hooked up to a machine and breathing oxygen through a tube?

The only answer is to turn my body over to the machines before I'm forced to. Mecha-Jeff. Sure, things are more or less in working order as is, but far-fetched futuristic technology can ensure that I remain a scourge to the known galaxy for decades to come.

Step 1 of this process was yesterday. It's a small step, I admit... I got a permanent crown. Sure, it's only minor dental work, but I like to think of the "crown" as symbolic. As I continue down this path, I'll replace more and more body parts until my digitized brain exists in a 30-foot tall armored robot with jet-packs and 7.1 Dolby surround sound (for my peeps).

In the meantime, I have to wait for technology to catch up with my extravagant dreams.

Oh, and on a serious note, my wife is getting wisdom teeth removed today. Before I can become ruler for life, I must be caregiver for a weekend. The journey of a thousand miles, it seems, actually *does* begin with a single step.