Wear Your Coat And Ride The Bus

My mother-in-law is funny sometimes. She's one of those who has a hard time not being "mother", even though her younglings are all grown up. She was talking to my wife last week during the cold weather and took time to admonish her, "Tell Jeff he needs to wear his coat and ride the bus."

I told my wife she should have replied, "Jeff rides his bike to work. He says he doesn't need long pants because he always works up a sweat." My wife declined, because she's not insane. :)

I decided to go ahead and obey my mother-in-law's whims, just to see what would happen.

First, I got out my heavy coat. The temperature that day was nearly 70. Prolly should have checked a weather report. The coat itself wouldn't have been too bad, but the scarf, gloves, and long underwear were definitely overkill. The boots did come in handy though, since I had to stomp down a crazed vagabond near the new BOK Center.

I parked in the lot at work, then got on the shuttle bus. I hadn't ridden the bus in several weeks. The friendly bus driver looked at me with great interest and then question/shouted, "Where's Big Dawg?!? He don't ride 'da bus no more?!?"

On that bus, I *always* play second fiddle to Big Dawg. I have no idea why. Big Dawg hasn't ridden that bus in more than 3 months.

In any case, the bus took off. We swerved around some potholes, dodged an inconsiderate driver who was stubbornly going in a straight line and obeying the speed limit, and then jumped the railroad tracks just in time to avoid crunchy death by automated rail-car. We ran a few stoplights, and then came to a sudden and complete stop as a hot dog vendor slowly pushed his cart of meat tubes across the intersection in front of us. I snuck off the bus at that point.

Once I got to the entrance at work, I realized that my security badge was under my coat. In fact, it was under many layers of clothing. Practically nude, I was finally allowed in. I fell over trying to pick up my scarf and broke my nose.

Bruised, bloodied, and partially clothed, I finally arrived at work. The top story at a (*cough*) nearby local news organization was about a local vagabond who had been brutally stomped just moments earlier.

It was a good day.