At work, our health insurance is changing. Thus, we all got health screenings.
They brought in some "Traveling Nurses Association Of Mobile Nurses Traveling" group to handle the particulars. It was just a bunch of ladies with smocks and bags of cotton balls. Seriously, that stuff was flying around like confetti. It was a little wild, but at least the atmosphere was festive. They even had clowns.
The last step involved sitting down with a nurse to talk over my results. She was wearing a vest with vertical red and white stripes. "Step right up!", she happily squealed.
She went over my numbers. "This is good, this is good," over and over. Apparently I have very good numbers. Then it got weird.
"If you were a lady," she said, "I'd compare you to Mary Poppins! Perfect in every way!"
There was a brief awkward pause while I searched for a silver lining. My falsetto just improved... Spoons as blunt force objects... that trick with the umbrella would really cut down on the morning commute...
The nurse continued. "I guess since you're a guy I'll just compare you to Bert the Chimney-Sweep."
I blinked and grinned. "Did you just compare me to Dick Van Dyke?" "Yes." "I'll allow it."
I got up to leave. The nurse looked me hopefully. "Can I guess your weight?"
"Sure, go for it." She looked me over. "16 pounds?"