Stories From My Past: Halloweirdo

Since Halloween is coming, I thought I'd share these memories.

As a kid, I Trick-Or-Treated. As a young punk, I don't remember bothering with it much. When I got older (late high school, I believe), I moved into the distribution phase of things.

One year, I dressed up as a Mad Scientist. I had big caldron in front of me. I had a white lab coat, and a crazy sticking-out-in-all-directions white-haired wig. I was stirring the caldron with a long-handled flashlight, so I could shine it at candy-grabbers and freak them out. The candy, of course, was in the caldron. A friend of mine had a "Friday the 13th" hockey mask on. He was hiding behind me. Kids would come up to me for candy, and he'd jump out and generally make a fool of himself.

One small kid (must have been 5-ish) wandered away from our porch that night, solemnly telling his mom, "That's the ugliest man that I ever did see." I was so proud.

Another year, I dressed as a scarecrow. I sat on the porch with a bowl of candy next to me, with a big straw hat down over my face. I looked like a stuffed dummy. Then, kids would come up, and I'd move, and they'd freak out. It was fun.

I'd just sit there nice and quiet, and listen. I could hear footsteps, then I'd hear small voices as they started toward the doorbell, and then I'd do my thing.

At one point that night, I heard footsteps, but they didn't stop by the door. I paused, not knowing when the perfect "Gotcha" moment was going to be. So, I reached up and pushed the hat back, cheerfully shouting "Hi!".

Two late-teenage boys were staring down at me. One of them had his arms pulled back, with a pipe or stick or something in his hands. They froze, terrified. I froze, terrified. The disguise had worked - they thought I was a stuffed dummy, and they were going to vandalize me.

Unsure of what to do, I offered them candy. One of them said a word that I didn't quite hear, and ran away. The other (stick man) took the candy. We exchanged a "Look, let's don't tell our moms about this" look, and he left with haste.