My Purpose

During departmental lunch gatherings, I serve two purposes. I receive mockery and provide Weird Al Yankovic quotes.

It started at a Mexican restaurant with a conversation between OoRah and LadyPatsFan about odd vacation spots. LadyPatsFan said, "... and there was something about a big ball of twine... I can't remember where..."

I spoke up. "You're talking about 'The Biggest Ball Of Twine In Minnesota'."

"Yeah! That's it! Weird Al!"

My purpose momentarily filled, I fell silent.

Later, movies were being discussed. Somebody mentioned "My Cousin Vinny". "I've never seen that one," I confessed.

I may as well have announced that I whizzed in the salsa. I got near-angry stares of disbelief.

"That movie is a classic!"
"I can't tear myself away from that movie!"
"It's hilarious! How have you not seen it?"

There was a brief pause, followed by OoRah's ominous voice. "It's not quite un-American to have not seen that movie, ... but it's close."

I only got out alive because I promised to put the movie in my Netflix queue.

Of course, I can also dish out the mockery when the moment demands it. LadyPatsFan got a taco salad for her lunch, and managed to break the tortilla bowl. Salad innards spilled everywhere.

"Aw," she complained. "I broke my bull."

I blinked. "Bull?" "No!", LadyPatsFan protested. "I said bowl!"

Next to me, a coworker I'll call QuietVoice backed me up. "I heard bull. It sounded like you said bull."

"I didn't say bull! My accent isn't that bad!"

"I had no idea you had cattle over there," I said.

I got a dirty look. It was totally worth it.