Friday, May 20, 2011


I'm sorry, I've just never been able to do this. I just can't write with a blue pen.
I've always been exclusively right-handed. I've also always been a creature of habit. I never expected one to mess with the other quite like this.

Every morning I have coffee. Every morning when the coffee has been consumed, I stand over the sink and clean out the coffee pot. I always start by pulling out the used coffee grounds with my left hand.

I've been doing this for years, and never noticed that I was grabbing the coffee grounds left-handed. It shouldn't matter, but apparently it does.

The hour of your doom approaches
One recent morning, I was looking somewhere else when I tried to clean out the coffee pot. I reached for the grounds with my right hand.

It felt WEIRD. Like when you pick up a pen with your non-writing hand, and suddenly you have no idea what to do with it. I thought, "What an odd thing to be left-handed at... it's just a pinch/grab/lift, ..."

And then I dropped it. There was a small crashing sound and a wet "sploot" of damp coffee grounds attempting to splash.

From across the house my wife shouted, "What was that? Are you OK?"

Performing Funeral Dirge for a Tiny Nerd, in e-minor
"I'm fine," I replied. Then I stepped on the coffee-ground goo pile. One foot slipped and I did the splits. My hamstrings twanged like Steve Vai's E-string and my head crashed hard into the oven door.

"What was *that*?!?", my wife shouted. She sounded concerned. "Are you sure you're OK?"

"mmm fine", I mumbled. I think it was verbal, anyway. I put a hand up on the counter to pull myself up. My poor dumb groping hand landed on the hot-plate for the coffee pot. It was, naturally, still hot.

Owie. Stingie.
There was brief sizzling noise, followed by a scream. "What was that?", came the expected shout. "Are you OK?"

"You don't want to know," I shouted back in reply.

"You don't want to know" is a phrase that gets shouted a lot at my house.


At 9:20 AM, Anonymous P-Ziddy said...

If a screwdriver had been involved in this fiasco, I'm not sure you would still be with us today.

See? I found something for you to be thankful for!

At 9:35 AM, Blogger V said...

If a screwdriver had been involved, I could be well on my way to living in obscurity on a tropical island with my own sand bar. You really need to try harder.

I suppose I shall have to come up with a new drink just to honor this incidence. Something with Kaluha, perhaps?

blogword - "sulence"

Obviously, the blog and I are sulking.


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