Friday, September 16, 2011

Horticulture Horror

Feed me, Seymore!
My pal Scruffy had a large ... well, we'll call it a generic "growth" by his back fence. Like the picture, but uglier. Kind of a cross between ivy and a weed. It was littered with spider webs and bird droppings, so even though it should have been more or less green, it was mostly a white-splashed "ew".

It had consumed part of his fence and was threatening the gas meter. Kinda like "Audrey II" on a wood and plastic diet.

Armed with some loppers, Scruffy and I set out to do battle with the mostly-green beast.

This... is my BOOM STICK!
Have you ever heard the phrase, "When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail?" Well, let's just say it was a good thing I was wearing shoes. I could have sworn those loppers were gas-powered, they did so much damage. Scruffy would start choppin', leaves would start flyin'. It was chaos.

At one point, the green haze in the air turned brown and I started to shout. When I finally got Scruffy's blades of fury under control, he'd managed to gouge out a 2-foot hole in the ground. A terrified mole squeaked at us and dove for cover.

When we were done, we poured the mulched mess into a over-sized trash bag. It was "Shrub Puree". The end result almost looked like a bean-bag chair.

I managed to keep my fingers mostly by virtue of staying out of the way.

Good times.


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