Monday, October 17, 2011

Fender Bender

My friends are weird. Observe:


Jeff: Boom! There was a fender bender just outside the front door of our office building a second ago.

V: Were there fire trucks?

V: And lights and sirens?

V: And fun things like that?

Jeff: No, it was just a fender bender.

Jeff: Part of a bumper did fall off while they tried to pull over to the side of the road, though.

V: Oh.

V: Well, that's nothing really then.

Jeff: No punches thrown, no screaming.

V: I'm horribly disappointed.

Jeff: It was directly in front of our front door. The security guard basically just stood up and he was there, inspecting the damage.

V: You pumped me up with expectations of blood and gore.

V: That sort of things is bad for my health, you know.

V: The pumping thing, not the blood and gore.

Jeff: What part of "fender bender" did you have trouble with, exactly?

V: If the fender fell off, it is more of a fender broker than a fender bender.

V: You are the king of understatement.

Time to get noisy!
V: What do you expect?

V: I'm used to having to translate things like "I've got a band-aid on my finger" into "I shot myself in the finger with a nail gun while trying to fix my shoelace."

Jeff: "There was a fender bender outside the building here a minute ago. There were no survivors, and the resulting hole in the fabric of the universe is letting in trans-dimensional monsters. It's pretty noisy."

V: Better. Unrealistic, but better.

Extra relish is 25 cents, and that's cuttin' me own throat
V: Next time, try for survivors, but have them screaming as the trans-dimensional monsters eat them.

Jeff: I'll try to make sure there's a hot dog cart nearby, too. For condiments.

V: Yes, because everyone knows that bystander tastes better with relish.


At 2:22 PM, Blogger MetaCow said...

I never eat fresh bystander. They need to age for a few weeks.


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