It Would Be My Honor...

Last Friday I had the joy of an afternoon off, thanks to comp time. My wife and I got to go out on a date. We chose dinner at the Olive Garden, which is one of our favorite places.

The waiter came up to us with a huge grin and a greeting I hadn't heard before. "Hello, my name is Blinky and I am blessed with the opportunity to be ya'lls waiter tonight!" It wasn't just what he said, it was how he said it. He said it with a simple-minded sense of bliss that seemed to imply that he honestly couldn't think of anything else he'd rather be doing. Climb Mt. Everest? Naw. Hot date with a supermodel? Whatever. Win the lottery? Not today... today I get to be a *waiter*!!!

He continued. "It would be my honor to get ya'll something to drink. Would you like..." and he began to rattle off choices. We both chose water, and he left.

A few minutes later, he returned with 2 waters on a tray. "It would be my honor to serve you now." He put one down in front of me, but then he remembered / realized that there was a woman at the table. "Oh! Wait, sorry, ladies first!" He leaned over to grab the first glass, and promptly spilled the entire second glass of water right at me.

My wife moved her purse just in time to avoid having ice and water spilled into it. I moved back just fast enough to avoid the majority of the splash, although I did end up with one very damp knee. And the lady at the table behind us?... well, you would have thought she'd just heard a gunshot. She was well away from the action, but her chair moved, her purse was snatched up, and she didn't stop looking at us from then on.

Blinky apologized profusely. It was the only time during the entire meal that he lost his crazy grin. He and another waiter got us moved to another table nearby. Then, ... "It would be my honor to take your order now." As if nothing had happened.

Every time he came by for anything, it was his honor to do so. "It would be my honor to refill those waters." "It would be my honor to take your check when you're ready." When he refilled the drinks, he dribbled water on the floor at least once. I was relieved to see a kitchen lackey bring out our food instead of Blinky. Water will dry on its own, but I didn't want to have Marsala sauce splashed at me.

Toward the end of the meal, they brought in another couple to sit at our original table. We overheard them saying to each other, "Hey, there's water all over the floor back here."

We giggled silently at each other. Then we left before Blinky could strike again.