Don't Touch

Today I saw something amusing and a little baffling. I was walking through an expansive staging area where newspapers and inserts are put together in preparation for delivery. This generally happens very late at night, so that the papers can be delivered early the next morning. As such, this room is generally very quiet and deserted when I wander though during the day.

I walked past one of the large recycling bins. Picture a large cardboard-ish box that's 6 feet tall, and probably close to 5 feet wide and long at its base. There are many of these things throughout the room.

This particular recycling bin had something written on it. In huge black permanent-marker lines, it read: "Don't touch Bert".

I'm a little unclear as to the meaning. I guess it could be a personalized message for Bert. Maybe Bert has a socially disturbing habit of touching recycling bins. Perhaps Bert has started to annoy.

Maybe it's not a command. Maybe it's a message from Bert. Perhaps Bert is tired of getting touched all the time. Logically, he chose a prominent place to display his plea for personal space... on the side of a recycling bin.

I suppose it might be a warning from Bert's coworkers. Maybe he has cooties or something.

In any case, I think I know what I'm going to do if I meet Bert. Just to be on the safe side, I plan to run like the wind.