When Nature Calls

First let me say in advance that this is a bathroom story. It's not anything more than PG, but since I'm usually pretty aggressively G-rated, I feel compelled to warn (entice?) you.

Anyway.

The other day I was in the downtown library and felt nature's call. Things were proceeding normally when the bathroom door explosively crashed open. A guy RAN in, panting and grunting.

When I say he RAN, I'm not kidding. He was a blur as he whooshed past and into the far stall. He slammed the stall door shut so hard that everything rattled.

Less than a second later there was the sound of fabric tearing. I guess his zipper was stuck.

Less than a second after *that*, he uncorked his... well. Let's just say it was not discrete. In fact, have I already used the word "explosive"? Just checking.

Moments later, when my ears popped and I could hear again, he was mumbling out loud to himself. "Oh, lordy," he pondered. "I never... wow. I bet that's horrible. I bet those people need a courtesy flush."

I wanted to laugh, but I didn't dare breathe.

Psychotic, but courteous. There are worse combinations, I suppose.