Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Super Waiter

We went out to eat recently and encountered a truly remarkable waiter. Not ours, of course. But his greatness could not be confined to his tables alone.

If I slow down to walk, I'll dieWe first noticed him when he came by to refill our drinks. As I said, he wasn't our waiter, but that didn't hold him back. I'd swear his hands were empty, but when he asked me "You had water, right?", a full pitcher appeared out of nowhere.

He was doing more than wait tables, too. In between orders he would bus tables like he had at least three arms and a caffeine buzz for the ages. In the time it took to ask for more biscuits, he had wiped down two tables. You could see his halo'd reflection in the tabletops. The dirty dishes had vanished. They didn't get carried to the kitchen... they simply disappeared.

I also know in advance that you will not tip me, but I love you anywayOn at least one occasion he brought food to somebody's table before they ordered. "Here's your fried chicken, sir." "Wow... Uh... I mean, Yeah I was going to order that, but..." "Enjoy!"

*I* am the wind beneath my wingsSome waitresses near us started pulling tables together for a large incoming party. As the superhuman waiter was jetting down the aisle, one of the waitresses pulled some chairs out in his way. He didn't even slow down, he just levitated over the chairs and still managed to drop off some extra napkins for us on the way.

Toward the end of our meal, he walked by the table with a cell phone in hand. "Yes, Mr. Netanyahu, I think the Palestinians are finally willing to talk peace. Let me conference you in."

Heck of a guy. Unfortunately, our biscuits were cold. No tip. Better luck next time!


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