Big White Thing

UNRELATED NOTE:
A severe thunderstorm in Tulsa knocked down a couple of tents at Oktoberfest last night. My wife's brother and his wife were there, and were among those taken to the hospital. Thankfully, their injuries are relatively minor.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled nonsense...

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Sometimes I surprise my wife.

A few nights ago I was winding down, getting ready to crash for the night. I had my typical white nightshirt on. My wife walked into the kitchen, and I stumbled (half-asleep already) past her into the bathroom.

She didn't see or hear me walk by. This was not intentional on my part, it just worked out that way.

I was standing in front of the sink when my wife walked by. She saw me out of the corner of her eye and yelped in fear. A terrified shout was the last thing I was expecting. I nearly swallowed my toothbrush.

Once the initial "Oh, it's just *you*!" stuff had passed, we got to the good part. "I thought you were in bed already, and then I walked by here and saw this big white thing..."

We need to pause here briefly. This is the part where my non-Caucasian friends are weeping with laughter. As a public service, let's let them catch their breath.

[pause]

All better now? I know, the jokes write themselves at this point... How could you tell I was even wearing a white shirt, I'm nerdy in the extreme (whiter than sour cream), and so on.

We're considering some extreme measures to make sure this doesn't happen again. I'm going to paint my upper body mauve and wear a bell around my neck when I'm at home.

Also, from now on, every toothbrush I own will have soft bristles. Just in case.