Win Some, Lose Some

When Big Dawg and I start trading deadpan one-liners, he usually ends up winning. For example:

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Big Dawg has a De-Motivational "Teamwork" poster in his cubical. But the thumbtacks keep coming out.

I suggested that he put a real motivational poster in its place. I figured it would be appropriate to see a poster proclaiming "Stability" that was folded over and only held up by one tack.

"No," he reasoned, "because then there'd be thumbtacks on the floor."

"The only people who would step on them would be outsiders who don't know about them," I pointed out.

Big Dawg looked at me with absolutely no hostility whatsoever. "You'd be the first one to step on a tack, and you know it."

My jaw dropped open, but no words came out. Big Dawg continued, "In fact, you'd step on one, fall over, and get another one in your eye."

I considered this for a moment, and realized I couldn't argue. Advantage, Big Dawg!

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But it doesn't always work out in his favor. Sometimes, I get the last word. Like this:

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Big Dawg and I were talking about a former co-worker who was a sniper in the military. Hoo-Rah chimed in, saying, "I guarantee, most of those stories weren't his."

All of us non-military types listened, fascinated, as Hoo-Rah (former marine) explained how it worked. Apparently, many military stories are cultivated, perfected, and shared. "As one Sargent told me," he concluded, "it's not what you've done, it's the stories you tell."

Big Dawg, grinning, said something about stories being transplanted from one setting to another. Hoo-Rah nodded in agreement. It was Jeff-time.

I held my hands out in front of me dramatically, as if I was typing on a keyboard. "This one time, in Call Of Duty 2..." I blinked nervously and moved my hands as if I was holding a rifle. "I mean... in Afghanistan..."

When the laughter died down a little, Big Dawg stuttered, "I got nuthin'. I'm out." He went back to his desk, giggling. Advantage Jeff!

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It's rare that Big Dawg can't top my spontaneous one-liners. Time to sit back, savor my victory, and pull the thumbtacks out of my toes.