Shoplifters

My wife was checking out at Walmart the other day when the lady at the register grinned and said, "See those two girls over there? We're about to nab them for shoplifting."

Well, that's certainly a bold way to greet customers. Checkout lady was taking her sweet time running items, too. "Just get comfortable," she cautioned.

The shoplifters made it past the checkout lines and were taking their first steps toward apparent freedom when the alarms sounded.

Red and Blue lights started flashing, strobe-style. It was like being in a low-impact disco.

Plainclothes Walmart Security Goons appeared out of nowhere and started throwing punches.

SWAT members burst in through the plate glass windows as lead-lined concrete-and-steel doors slammed down.

Blue-vested specially-trained combat troops burst out of the toy section, armed with plastic baseball bats and Nerf rifles.

Walmart had achieved lockdown.

It was a good half-hour before security finished sorting out the guilty from the collateral and started letting shoppers leave. By that time my wife's ice cream had melted, but at least she didn't take any direct hits herself.