Spiky Weeds

I am a low-impact gardener. I want things to look nice, but I'm not willing to spend time on my hands and knees digging around for weed roots. I like chemicals.

So, every once in a while, I'll wander through the yard with a big spray bottle of "Chlorophyll-Nuker". My aim's gotten good, so I don't even have to bend over much. This is *my* kind of lawn care.

Recently I saw a pretty large clump of "broad leaf" weeds. I broke my pattern, and reached down to pull it.

Did you know some broad leaf weeds have spiky bits all over them? Really *really* sharp spiky bits?

My hand hurt for a full day after that.

I am nothing if not irrationally vengeful. I started by spraying the weed generously. Two days later, the leaves were curling upward in a slow display of defeat. I sprayed them again. I probably used about half the spray bottle.

Two days after that, the leaves were pointing upward alarmingly. It was as if the weed had thrown its hands up in surrender. I was not feeling benevolent, even then. I dug the weed up out of the ground. Then I sprayed the hole that had spawned it. Then I spit in it, cursed it, and packed it with old shoelace.

Now I make a habit of walking by the bare spot in the lawn and smiling. It makes me happy.

Never cross me.