Stories From My Past - Doggie Burn

When I was a teenager, we had a little tan-colored idiot dog named "Corky". She was the dumbest animal ever to grace our planet. Stories about her amazing stupidity could fill volumes, but she wasn't the only dummy in this one.

I took Corky for a walk one fine summer day. Walking Corky always meant that I was holding the leash tightly while she did a desperate gasping little two-legged dance on the other end. Corky never walked *anywhere*. If I dropped the leash, she could outrun bullets.

We went to one end of our block. She was tugging me the whole way, eyes bugged out wide, partially from the unbelievable joy of new discovery ("WHAT'S THAT?!? WHAT'S THAT?!? WHAT'S THAT?!?"), and partly because she was choking herself on her leash.

We turned around. This time she was pulling on the leash because she could see our house. Her desperate gasping was starting to get to me, and since I couldn't slow her down I decided to jog a little.

Corky was beside herself with joy. The big person was running with her! She was on my left side, I had her leash in my left hand, the house was on the left side of the street... so naturally she got distracted by something and cut across me toward the right.

My whole family was out in the front yard, so they all got to see me trip and face-plant on the asphalt. But that wasn't the best part. When they finally got me upright, we found a little burned spot on the shoulder of my shirt. I had landed hard on that shoulder and then skidded for a short distance. I literally burned a hole in my shirt.

Owie.