The Reference

I have a friend who is looking for a job. I told her that she could use me as a reference.

Most of the time when I do that, I don't get called. It's like employers are simply taking my word for it. "Jeff says this one is OK. Set up an interview."

That's why I was so surprised to be contacted this time. Since my outrageous mystique wasn't having its usual effect, I decided to try honesty.

"She was great to work with," I began. "Always on time, almost always dressed."

There was a gasping noise on the other end of the phone. I pressed my advantage.

"You could always tell when she was about to get violent, so it was easy to avoid injury. That kind of courtesy is rare, as I'm sure you already know."

There was a stuttering plea for clarification, but I ignored it. I was on a roll.

"She loved to throw things, but her aim was so bad that I was never in any real danger." I paused. "Well, I guess I *was* in danger if she was aiming at somebody else. But nobody's perfect."

The vast sucking sounds on the other end of the line told me that the caller was at a loss for words. Clearly I was making an impression. I went for the big finish.

"She always had a flair for the dramatic. None of us will ever forget the time she ate that cat. Good times."

The line went dead.

Anyone else need a reference?