Friday, March 05, 2010

Coupon, Bumper Stickers

My wife found herself in line at Target behind a crazy old lady. She was chatting up the girl at the register, and asking if she could use a coupon.

"I have a 15% off coupon," the lady insisted. Checkout Girl was dubious. "15% off what?" "Everything," said the old lady.

Do people still *pay* for purchases? How cute!Checkout Girl wasn't convinced. "Can I see the coupon?" "Oh, I don't have it with me," the old lady said. "I live in Claremore and I left it there at home. Can I use it anyway?"

Checkout Girl's eyes said, "You didn't even bother to bring your fictional coupon with you? This is the lamest fraud ever!". Her mouth said, "I think we need to have the coupon here at the time of purchase."

They bickered for a few more minutes before the old lady finally gave up. My wife finally made it to the front of the line with her purchases.

"So," my wife said, "I've got a 12-and-a-half percent coupon at home, can you hook me up?"

It worked. My wife is the best shopper EVER.

I think this idea sounded better in my head that it turned out. We'll see.

I was driving behind a car with a bumper sticker that read, "And on the eighth day, God created the Sooners!" It occurred to me that this was the most marketable kind of joke in the world. Simply put another team's name there and sell to a whole different fan base.

"Heck," I thought. "You could put pretty much any noun there."

I decided to see if I was right. Would you buy any of these bumper stickers?


At 8:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

In the beginning was the word, and the word was God. In the beginning was God and all else was darkness and void, and without form, so God created the heavens and the earth. He created the sun and the moon, and the stars, so that light might pierce the darkness. The Earth, God divided between the land and the sea and these He filled with many assorted creatures.

And the dark, salty, slimy creatures that inhabited the murky depths of the oceans, God called sailors. And he dressed them accordingly. The had little trousers that looked like bells at the bottom. And their shirts had cute little flaps on them, and they wore funny looking hats. He gave them long sideburns and beards, nicknamed them "squids", and banished them to a lifetime at sea, so normal folks would not have to associate with them. To further identify these unloved creatures, He called them "petty" and "commodore" instead of titles worthy of red-blooded men.

And the flaky creatures of the land, God called soldiers. And with a twinkle in His eye, and a sense of humor only He can have, God made their trousers too short and their covers too large. He also made their pockets oversized, so that they may warm their hands. And to adorn their uniforms, God gave them badges in quantities only a dime store owner could appreciate. And he gave them emblems and crests and all sorts of shiny things that glittered, and devices that dangled. (When you are God you tend to get carried away.)

On the 6th day, God thought about creating some air creatures for which he designed a Greyhound bus driver's uniform. He discarded this idea during the first week, and it was not until years later that some apostles resurrected this theme and established what we now know as the "wild blue yonder wonders".

And on the 7th day, as you know, God rested. But on the 8th day, at 0530, God looked down upon Earth and was not happy. God was just not happy! So He thought about His labors, and in His divine wisdom, God created a divine creature. And this He called Marine. And the Marines, who God created in His own image, were to be of the air, and of the land, and of the sea. And these He gave many wonderful uniforms. some were green, and some were blue with red trim. And in the early days, some were even a beautiful tan. He gave them practical fighting uniforms, so they could wage war against the forces of Satan and the evil. He gave them service uniforms for their daily work and training. And He gave them evening and dress and stylish, handsome things, so they may promenade with their ladies on Saturday night and impress everybody. He also gave them swords, so that people who were not impressed could be dealt with accordingly.

And at the end of the 8th day, God looked down upon the Earth and saw that it was good. But was God happy? No! God was still not happy. Because in the course of his labors, He had forgotten one thing. He did not have a Marine uniform for himself. But He thought about it, and thought about it, and finally satisfied Himself in knowing that, well.......................not everybody can be a MARINE!!!


At 9:47 AM, Blogger Tiffany said...

Jeff, I would *totally* buy that cookies bumper-sticker. :)

I've seen "on the 8th day, Got created Music!"


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