Wednesday, August 03, 2011

Formal Shopping

We ran out of milk. I was designated the "milk-getter" since it was my fault we ran out (note: Despite what you may think, milk does not make a good shaving gel).

I burned my hand on the car door (it was 103 degrees outside!). I seared off my fingerprints on the steering wheel (103 degrees!). On the way, I passed an ice cream truck that had melted and some roadkill that had burst into flame (103!).

Queen Spoo would be proud
I finally got to the store. My car was slowly sinking into the puddled asphalt as I went inside (103 degrees!). I had planned to just grab milk and go, but was distracted by the woman in a purple evening gown.

This woman was dressed like it was a black-tie affair. She was smiling expansively while swaying gently to the store's muzac. She looked like she should be holding a martini and a waltz partner, not a shopping cart and a frozen lasagna.

The guy she was with? Shorts and a t-shirt. Flip-flops vs. Heels. They were quite the pair.

That's the last time I buy ice cream from the Wicked Witch of the West
She nodded in appreciation as I walked by and tipped me 20 bucks. I think she thought I was the valet.

By the time I got home, the milk had already curdled into cottage cheese (103 degrees!).

I guess I'll need to rent a tux and go pick up another gallon.


At 8:41 AM, Anonymous P-Ziddy said...

But in purple... I'm STUNNING!!

At 8:42 AM, Blogger jeff.w.mcclung said...


Well played, 'zid. You win the conversation. By a MILE!


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