Bruised

Here's another one to add to the never-ending list of "Things that are wrong with Jeff".

My hip pain is not just a symptom of Bursitis. No, that would be too simple. I have "I.T. Band" troubles as well.

Given that I work in Information Technology, I was pretty sure I was being mocked ("Your I.T. Band is defective... you need a new vocalist"). But no, it's actually a thing. It's a long band of "fibrous tendons and stuff" that goes from the hip down to just below the knee.

The best part is how they fix it. It's a procedure called ASTYM. I'm pretty that's an acronym, and that at least 3 of those letters stand for "ow".

The link, "What's the treatment like?", is actually quite fascinating. However, they do leave out three important words... "Hurts like ####".

They take a device that looks like a miniature pizza cutter.



Dramatization. Not a real medical device. Do not attempt at home. Pizza sauce will stain.

Then, they scrape that thing HARD up and down the IT Band, to smooth out the lumpy bits. Once the IT Band is all smooth and good, it can stretch normally and the pain goes away. In the meantime...



Yeah... that's a downward motion. It's a bit uncomfortable. "It's normal for the skin to bruise," the lady told me. It's also normal for the patient to cry. At least, I hope.

She did this to me on a Monday. That Wednesday, I came back for a second round of treatment. I was really hoping she'd go easy on me. "Look," I showed her. "The bruises haven't quite faded from Monday."

"That's OK," she cheerfully replied. "I'll just run right over the top of them again!"

That was NOT the answer I was hoping to hear. *sigh*

I may never walk again.