How Not To Get A Library Card

Last Friday, Big Dawg and I went to the downtown public library to get library cards. Partly we did this to be silly, but partly ... well, OK, it was mostly silly. Still, I can see me using the card every once in a while to check stuff out.

Anyway, they wouldn't give me a library card. The lady at the counter said I looked shifty.

"Shifty?" I was incredulous. "You're calling me shifty?"

She went on to explain that she had zero confidence in my willingness to return items. She said I looked like someone who would take and take and take. She said I personified pure greed.

I was stunned. I politely explained to her that while I am not the biggest fan of international copyright laws, I do in fact have a healthy respect for the concept of ownership of physical items. She would hear none of it, though. She called security.

I have been physically thrown out of a library. They scuffed my nice shoes.

*ahem*

Actually, almost none of that is true. It just sounded more amusing than the truth. I couldn't get a card because I didn't have anything with my current address on it. Big Dawg got his card last Friday, I went back and got mine on Monday.

Ah, comedy.