Monologue

There's a new Febreze product out called the "Pet Odor Eliminator".

Question: Wasn't there a time when that was called a garden hose?

I can't for the life of me figure out why, but this gift sack made think of P-Ziddy. And icandrink. And Metacow. And... sheesh! You people need new hobbies.

And I need to figure out why I think about P-Ziddy so much. I'm starting to get concerned...

I've been seeing a lot of commercials lately for "astrive", which is apparently a student loan company of some sort. I don't know anything about them, I just know that they really need to have Scarlett O'Hara as their spokeswoman. I can just hear her breathy southern voice drawlin', "Ah strive, Rhett, rah-lee ah doo."

A salon in Virginia is using a tiny breed of carp to give people pedicures. This worries me. The fish are supposedly eating away callouses and such, but it looks to me like they are trying to elevate themselves on the food chain. When the Ms. Paul's boxes start to contain actual Ms. Paul, I'll be the one wearing a Revelations 6:8 sandwich board and saying "I told you so." You heard it here first.

The Florida Marlins are starting up an all-male all-overweight dance squad. I even have multiple links to this one. This looks like more fun than you can shake a navel at. I've now added a new bullet point to my list of life goals: Gain 150 pounds and move to Miami.

Finally, July has been "random gifts for Jeff" month. Big Dawg saw this and decided that I had to have it. He also knew that I'm too cheap to buy it for myself. It's the Pessimist's Mug! Now, knowing that the end is near brings a smile to my face.