Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Extra Information

My wife and I ate out recently. Our waiter ("Jabberin' C") was a talkative fellow with a permanent smile. The restaurant was unusually bare, so we were his only table.

U+Me 4EvahIt started with a discussion about napkins. He offered them even before taking our drink orders, and I jokingly said, "The napkins make all the difference." He immediately handed me a friendship bracelet and pledged his life to mine. Awkward.

From that moment on, every time he came by he stayed for an extra couple of uncomfortable moments, and shared tidbits about himself.

"I'm a pizza chef for another place in the mornings." Thank you, but I really only need to know if you're putting lemon wedges in my water.

"I'm having a cookout at my house this weekend!" Uh, nice. Can I get my salad dressing on the side?

"I've never understood British humor." Please, can I just see a desert menu?

"I speak Pig Latin more fluently than English." OK, that one, I believe.

The actual 'wobbly' chairAnd then it got crazy. A family came in and was nearly seated at the table next to us. The "Mom" refused to sit because her chair was wobbly. It was not a polite refusal.

"THIS! IS! NOT! GOING! TO! WORK!"

Her entire family collectively face-palmed and sighed, "Oh, here we go again." The hissy-fit was impressive. Moments later, they were led away to a less offensive table. Apparently, no one is willing to sit near me. Ever.

Jabberin' C stopped by our table to watch the spectacle with us. "My mom is an Aquarius," he helpfully offered. I'm so glad to know these things.

Another family came in and my wife pointed. "Look, they're going to try it again!" Sure enough, they were being led to the wildly dangerous and internationally famous 'wobbly' chair. I lept to my feet. "For the love of God, no!"

The new family sat down with no problems. The chair was sturdy. Jabberin' C was impressed.
Whatever it is, good luck with it, m'kay?
"My girlfriend and I have been trying to..." "Whoa! OK, thanks, now it's time for the check."

10 Comments:

At 9:09 AM, Blogger V said...

It's not you, it's just you have one of those faces that said "Tell me your life story in small, horrify tidbits...but don't sit next to me."

Okay, maybe it is you.

Blog says you are "blest" Although, I think that depends on your perspective.

 
At 9:45 AM, Blogger jeff.w.mcclung said...

"Small Horrifying Tidbits" might be a fun band name.

 
At 11:45 AM, Blogger Phil said...

"Small Horrifying Tidbits" might be a fun band name.

Or a really bad porn flick.

Code word: scetrumI'm not sure what it means, but it sounds dirty.

 
At 11:53 AM, Blogger V said...

"Small Horrifying Tidbits" is a B Movie version of a bad science fiction novel that eventually becomes a freakish religious cult to the stars. Possibly by L. Ron Hubbard.

Blog suggests that cult members would be "sonermen"

 
At 11:58 AM, Anonymous P-Ziddy said...

Next time, start singing the Pants song when someone looks like they might want to sit next to you.

At least then you'll feel like there's a reason everyone is avoiding you.

...

Hey lady! What are you complaining about? At least your waiter is wearing pants!!

 
At 12:07 PM, Blogger jeff.w.mcclung said...

Nothing better shows my taste than what I wear beneath my waist!

 
At 12:21 PM, Blogger V said...

(gasp) Oh no! This is what happens when you decide to forgo Danger Pants!

It's so sad. If only Jeff had Danger Pants he'd be a popular soul.

Blogword is "priglyv" (pensive frown) your blog has declared me prigly. I'm fairly certain that I do not approve.

 
At 12:47 PM, Anonymous icanspell said...

Prigly sounds like someone's English cousin, who also happens to be the lead singer for an a cappella group called Sonermen.

Blogword is Sciumv, which I can't decide how to pronounce. Perhaps see-um, V or sci-um, V. In either case, I'm sure it's V's fault.

 
At 2:11 PM, Blogger V said...

Perhaps Prigly is my new stage name. I shall go on tour with the Sonermen, singing sarcastic children's tunes and doing funny dances until Disney channels discovers us and gives us our own show and showers me in money.

Blogword is now "barstrips"Which I find suspicious. As I suspect it's trying to be Yoda-ish and I'm sure I'm not old enough to know about such things. (firm nod) At least not without a nice handful of 1's anyway.

 
At 3:44 PM, Anonymous icanspell said...

And now we're back to small, horrifying tidbits. I think the blog is suggesting a poor career choice. At any rate, the blogword is obarizin, which is what this coversation is quickly becoming. At least, the blog should be obarized.Is that sorta like Obama-themed shame?

 

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