Monday, April 09, 2012

My Newest Superpower!

Gonna get ya!
So, at work the other day I picked up my computer mouse to move it. Somehow it flipped over and the little laser thingy caught my glasses just right and blinded me. BRIGHT LIGHT! BRIGHT LIGHT! I nearly fell over.

Depth Perception? Pshaw. Who needs it, am I right?

Anyway, as is standard policy in these cases, I notified P-Ziddy. These opportunities to mock me are not to be wasted.

"Maybe the radiation gave you a new superpower," he suggested. Then, he offered up a name. "I am Slightly More Radiated Than You Are Man!"

I considered the acronym. SMRT YAM! "I love it," I replied. "It fits on a license plate. I even feel moderately mighty."

P-Ziddy continued the train of thought. "I don't so much have Heat Vision as I do Stink Eye."

Glorious. "My new superpower is... Quantum Stink Eye!" After all, everything's better if it's quantum.

P-Ziddy agreed. "Beware my Double Click Action, evil doers!"

"Throw in Kung Foo Grip, and I'm all in."

V, as usual, saw things in a slightly different light. "People will yell for you across crowded stores, 'Hey Yam Man!', and give you free Yams," she cautioned. "And because we know your nature, you will feel obligated to eat the yams rather than throw them away."

I yam what I yam
"If you eat too many yams, your skin will turn orange. Then one day, while out doing some small task of home improvement involving aluminum foil, you will fall from a ladder, roll yourself in foil and bake in the summer sun."

I actually think I like the mental picture that's forming here. Sun-baked Jeff in a heroic crouch, giving the quantum stink eye, fist of kung-foo grip raised.

Creatures of the night, step lightly! Your doom approaches!

I... am... SMRT YAM!


At 5:55 PM, Blogger Balaam's Donkey said...

Cool Super Powers, but being a smart yam isn't saying much. Even smartest yam is weak. :)
Maybe you could work in a super power invovling butter and brown sugar...


At 6:01 PM, Blogger jeff.w.mcclung said...

That is hysterical!

I'll have to check, I think we have brown sugar around here somewhere...


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