Monday, August 13, 2012

I Never Did Get That Lollipop

This will only hurt if your insurance is bad...
Last week I went back to the Podiatrist. We talked about my lingering foot pain, adjusted my shoe inserts and so on.

She offered a steroid injection for my heel pain. I accepted, but I also gave her a warning. "Last year, you gave me an injection down by the toes. It hurt so bad that I nearly broke the arms on your chair, and I lost control of my other leg. It started flapping around like a hummingbird wing. You had to call a nurse in here to sit on it while you worked."

"Oh," she said. "Let me bring in somebody before I start, then."

She leaned out in the hallway. "Intern, come here please."

In walked the intern. She was a short little petite girl, and she looked to be about 4 months pregnant. "Stand next to him, and put a hand on his knee, please."

I was stunned. Intern gave me a sweet smile. "You can look over at me instead of the needle if that'll help."

Side Note: from the "I'm not making this up" department

My google image search for "kind gentle woman cartoon" brought up a picture of Wonder Woman.

My second search for "kind gentle woman smile" brought up a picture of Michael Jackson.
"Do I *look* like I'll need a lollipop and a hug when this is over?"

"It's OK to be scared," the intern assured me.

I looked back at the doctor. "This isn't gonna work. If this leg starts flappin', I'll break her."

"I guess you'd better sit still, then."

"It'll only hurt for a little while." The intern was patting my knee and giving me a gentle wise old motherly smile, which was slightly creepy given that she couldn't have been older than 20.

"You know," I told her, "You're not here to be moral support. You're supposed to be the muscle."

The doctor broke in again. "I'm going to jab you now while we're all still young."

I looked back at the intern, panic in my eyes. "Both hands. Lean on this leg. Hard. PUSH."

Deep Hurting
And then... there was impact.

I don't remember much from the injection other than a white-hot blur of agony. After it was done, it took a few seconds to get my grip relaxed enough to let go of the chair. The intern gave me a quickie hug. "You were *so* brave!" Then she giggled and skipped out of the room.

"Did that just happen?", I asked. "Yes." "Did I hurt her?" "No." "Can I have that lollipop now?" "Get out."

I mentally added "Did not kick a pregnant intern" to my list of good deeds for the day.



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