My Favorite News Stories From Last Week

I didn't get to mention these last week, and it was a slow weekend, so here we go:

Some female Olympic Athletes will have to submit to gender tests to verify that they are, in fact, women.

What fun that must be. Imagine being a foreigner in China, and seeing one of their doctors coming at you with a set of forceps and a grin. Awkward!

I think they should always let the suspect ladies compete before they reveal the results of the tests. If it turns out a man competed without placing, he should be publicly humiliated by having "I got beat by a bunch of girls" tattooed on his forehead. If it is discovered that a man competed and won, then he should be stripped of his medal, hog-tied, and tossed into a private room with all of the female athletes who suddenly have anger issues. At which point the "I got beat by a bunch of girls" tattoo is still appropriate.

And now, meet Princess Chunk, a 44-pound cat.

So many things caught my attention here.

The average cat generally weighs about 10 pounds (source), so this cat is almost 4 and half times as heavy as it should be. The average human female is 130-ish (source). So imagine a 550-pound woman, and try to avoid any Rosie O'Donnell jokes while you do (she might find you and hurt you).

This cat is 2 pounds LESS than the Guinness World Record for overweight cats. This madness has happened before!

My favorite part though, is the name. "Princess" Chuck. There were obviously questions about the cat's gender. It took a vet on the Regis and Kelly show to figure it all out. It would seem that "Princess" Chuck is actually male.

So, to all you female Olympians off in Beijing... just be thankful that *your* gender tests aren't televised.