Skateboard

My wife went for a walk in our neighborhood. After a while, she had an odd feeling like she was being followed. Then, she realized that she was simply being followed by something odd.

A kid was behind her, occasionally riding a skateboard. Mostly, he was crashing it. When he was vertical he was speedy, but it never lasted more than a few seconds. Then, he'd bounce off the pavement while the skateboard ricocheted off a curb. He crashed into a few mailboxes and took out dozens of flowers, never getting up enough speed to outpace my wife.

She didn't want to stare, especially since that would mean having to walk backwards. But she was constantly aware of the noises behind her... the brief "whiiirrrrr" of wheels finding traction, followed by a clicking sound and kiddo-grunt of despair, and then harsh, harsh impact. My wife was the leader of a parade of senseless violence.

When she told me the story, I was reminded of my own skateboard story (I only have one). My Dad gave me his old skateboard when I was a kid. It turned out to be an unkind gift.

After some careful instruction, I was ready to try out my new toy. I planted one foot, pushed off with the other, and WHOOSH! I was roaring down the sidewalk.

The trip lasted about three seconds. Then, my "push" foot landed in a wad of chewing gum. I had one foot glued to the sidewalk while the other was streaking down the sidewalk at the speed of light.

Obviously, it didn't end well. In fact, it was the one and only time I've ever done the full splits. I died a little that day.

Tony Hawk never has to worry about any competition from me.