We went to the mall last weekend. We were in the women's department of a store when we were aggressively assisted by Shouting She-Thing.
"CAN I HELP YOU?!?"
My wife visibly jumped and I spun around with my hands up in a protective "I've-Heard-Of-Kung-Foo" crouch (I look really fierce when I do that). S.S.T. was literally running toward us. She looked like she was chasing down shoplifters.
We sent her away. A few minutes later we decided to use the restroom, which was in the same department. There was a quick THUMP THUMP THUMP
of running feet and then, ...
"CAN I HELP YOU?!?"
"I no longer need to use your restroom," I replied. My wife glared at S.S.T. and said, "I bet you used to work at Best Buy."
Shaken, we decided to try the rest of the mall. As we passed by a store selling sunglasses, the lady inside was pulling down the cage door.
"Sorry!", she shouted. "I know it looks weird, but we're not closing!"
My wife and I stopped and stared. "If you're not closing," I asked, "Then why are you shutting and locking the door?"
She looked at me wide-eyed, like I'd caught her in a lie. She never answered the question.
We left the mall to see Toy Story 3 (great flick, by the way). The family in front of us had a kid with them.
"Two adults and a child for Toy Story at 2:50," she said. The guy behind the counter asked, "Would you rather see the 1:55 showing?"
She perked up. "Yes! What time is it now?" "Uh... it's 2:11."
I couldn't even see her face and I could see the look she was giving him. He quickly recanted his offer.
Another lady ran up and joined the threesome. They were clearly holding her place in line, so we let her pass. She approached the counter and said, "One adult and one child, please."
My wife and I blinked at each other. The lady didn't know that kiddo had a ticket already.
She stepped away with her tickets and then cut right back in front of us again. "Oh!", she wailed. "I didn't need this one!"
Once the confusion was sorted out, we finally stepped up to the counter. It was my moment.
"Two adults and one fictional kid for the 10:30 showing of Toy Story."
I shouldn't be allowed out in public.