Wednesday, April 30, 2008

A Moving Story

Sweet temptation, you have a name...My wife made me so proud when we were moving. I came home from work one day and she proudly pointed toward a new addition to our living room. "Look!," she happily pointed, "I got us a new box."

Somebody left it by the dumpster, and it was in good shape. So she took it.

Who loves ya, baby?A week or so later, I came home from work. She greeted me with a twinkle in her eye. "Know what *I* found?" she purred. She'd found two more boxes out by the dumpster.

My wife... dumpster diving! I'll make a redneck outta her yet. :) I'm so proud!

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Yardwork, Closing

Fear me!Yesterday, I mowed my yard. *My* yard. I have a yard now. It's the first yard I've mowed in over a decade.

My parents will be impressed to know that I started up the machine and pushed it around and didn't even cuss or whine. Not even a little! At least, for the first few minutes. I'm only human.

Rent is $6 a turnClosing on the house was a breeze. The previous owners had already closed out their part, and they couldn't be there. Their Real Estate Agent couldn't be there either, so he sent a stand-in. Our agent was there, and the closing lady. The three of them traded stories about their grandkids while pushing papers over for us to sign. We were in and out in less than an hour.

That was not a typo. Less than an hour. To close on a house. Boo-Yeah!

Just before closing we went to the bank to take out the largest chashier's check of my life. A cashier's check isn't hard to get, but it does take a few minutes. Halfway through the process, I literally had to bite my tongue to keep from saying, "I'd like that in small bills, please."
Wesley Snipes needs one of these
And that's how I avoided going to jail on closing day. Yay me!

Friday, April 25, 2008

Busy Week

It's not too late to Photoshop Jeff! Heck, it's never too late. :)


This has been quite possibly the busiest week of my life. Major projects at work, closing on our house, prepping for moving day... there's been a lot to keep up with. It's been fun.

We move Saturday, but we don't get the cable and internet moved until Monday. Most likely I'll wait until Tuesday to post a new blog. In the meantime, here's some Photoshop Jeff's that I've gotten that I'm dyin' to share...

This first one is from P-Ziddy, and it amuses me.


This next one is also from P-Ziddy. Even though it's a very quick photo job, it still made me laugh out loud.

in ur hood

This next one is from Short-Timer. I'm especially fond of the glasses.


And finally, my fav so far. This is from Boy Wonder. I cannot thank you enough for that earring, B.W.


UPDATE (5/8/08) - should have included this link to all the Photoshop Jeff pics.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Gone For A Bit

Photoshop Jeff - The RapperPHOTOSHOP JEFF NEEDS YOU! Click into my pic to get a larger version, then Photoshop me as a rapper. I know you'll find it hard to believe, but that's actually my very very *best* rapper pose. Need inspiration? Click here for past Photoshop Jeff glory!

Things have been crazy-busy in my little world. This week, I had a major project launch at work. Next week, I have another. Also next week, we close on our FIRST HOUSE! Late next week is moving day. The week after that, we have a new employee starting.

With everything going on, I have taken several days off work. I may post something next week, but I will not be posting daily. I'll be on the lookout for Photoshop Jeff pics, though. :) You all know my strict submission guidelines... if you submit it, I have to post it.

A final nugget of joy for you, just in case you missed it. Boy Wonder put this in the comments for yesterday's post... listen carefully to the lyrics. This is fun stuff. :)

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Photoshop Jeff!... The Rapper

OK, bear with me a bit on this one. The chain of events that lead to this are extremely techie and involve the inner workings of one of our systems at my job, so I shouldn't post those details in a public forum. However, I can say that through absolutely no fault of my own, I was assigned a new nickname Wednesday.

Biz P.

In honor of my newfound life-long first love, I ask you all to join me in mocking me by participating in an event I like to think of as: Pimp My Jeff!

Photoshop Jeff - The RapperThat's right, it's Photoshop Jeff Hip-Hop edition! Do your worst. :)

Click into that picture to get a bigger version you can play with. As always, the link to previous Photoshop Jeff glory is over on the right. Send submissions to jeff.w.mcclung AT gmail.


Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Monkey Kick Off

Give it a try... it's *way* more addictive than it looks. My personal best was just over 4,900 Monkey Meters. :)

Unrelated, but what the heck...

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Sing The Praises Of Pants

Late last week, Big Dawg had an Incident. He and I were boarding the morning shuttle bus to go from our parking lot into work, and he caught his left pants pocket on an armrest.

Fire on the poop deck!RRRRRIIIIIPPP!

Words were spoken, to the effect of, "Gee, I'll have to throw these away when I get home tonight," and so on. But that's not what makes this story amusing. What makes it amusing is what happened Monday.

Monday, Big Dawg wore the ripped pants to work again. He explained that he had washed and folded them without remembering (or noticing) the rip. He'd dressed without noticing it. He made it all the way to work before he noticed the rip.

Don't make me rip your arms out of their sockets.For wearing ripped pants to work twice, Big Dawg *almost* claims the "Funniest Pants Story I Know" title. Almost. That title belongs to Metacow. One morning long ago when we both worked for the bad place, he came to work in shorts and promptly blew out his zipper. His shorts literally would not stay up unless he was holding them. He spent the rest of the day looking like Chewbacca doing the "I need to potty" dance. It was classic.

In celebration of our favorite garment, I give you the sweet gift of song.

Monday, April 14, 2008

It's Real. It's Really Real.

House! (click for more pics!)We gave our 30-day notice at our apartment Saturday. Suddenly it's real. We're MOVING. Holy Buckets...

We celebrated by coming "home" in a semi-panic and packing everything that wasn't nailed down. Then we unpacked some of it so we could eat.

We're two weeks away from moving day. Judging from all the boxes, I'd say we could probably move tomorrow.

My precious!...But don't revoke my "nerd" card just yet... Both computers and all related hardware are still out and hummin' away.

Pots and pans are good, yes. Clothes, I can improvise if I have to. But the internet... is *life*.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Walenfud Cake

I bother no oneOnce upon a time, a young boy was minding his own business and not bothering anybody even a little when all of a sudden everybody in the entire world decided all at the same time that they absolutely loved Walenfud Cake.

"It's great!" people shouted. "It's made by amateurs but that's OK because three Master Cake Makers help them and love them and nurture them and then tell them how bad their cake turned out, but *that's* OK because everybody knows that *all* of the Walenfud Cakes are really grand anyway!"

Maybe everybody else is stark raving mad?...The young boy had doubts. He really only liked chocolate cake, and even then only a little. But the entire rest of the world never stopped talking about Walenfud Cake and how good it was and how fun it would be to make it and how mean the Master Cake Makers could be even though they are really good people deep down and only yell when they've had too much to drink.

The young boy decided that he really didn't like cake of any kind all that much. The entire rest of the world looked at him oddly.

Why so serious?Seven years passed. The Walenfud Cake Master Cake Makers got rich, and the entire rest of the world loved them more and more. Things started to get silly. One of the Master Cake Makers started wearing shirts that were several sizes too small, and never smiled. One passed into a permanent delirium, and the other lost most of his vocabulary. Still, the Walenfud Cakes kept coming, and the rest of the entire world loved them more and more.

One day the young boy was having a perfectly ordinary meal when he looked down and realized that he had accidentally made Walenfud Cake and then eaten it! Oh no! And even worse... he kinda liked it.

I am filled with shameShame kept him silent. But he found himself checking back with the amateur Walenfud Cake makers to see who the Master Cake Makers hated most. He found himself secretly and shamefully checking YouTube to find videos of the amateurs making Walenfud Cake.

The young boy finally had to admit to himself: "I kinda like this Walenfud Cake." Then he wept bitterly, and bit himself on the hands. He never admitted it out loud though, choosing instead to live with his secret shame.


I'm pretty surprised that they voted off Michael Johns last night.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

It's Not Friday?

I have a confession to make. I spent a fair amount of time on Friday's blog post. I worked on it perhaps a tad longer than I should have. And as I was setting it up last night, I set the date for the post, and that's when I realized... today isn't Friday.

Well, *that's* a cold shower and no mistake. Hmpf.

So... enjoy a video. *sigh*

Wednesday, April 09, 2008


Poor Kitty.

'But You Said You Loved Me!'

'You will pay, as God is my witness, you will pay.'


'Traction....I'm losing Traction!'

'No, no, no, no.....NOOOO!!!!'

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

I Need(ed) A Windshield

Ah sadness... I know how to define thee...Saturday was "car day", as it turns out. The day when all our cars needed attention. Scruffy's car needed a new battery. My wife's car needed a new windshield.

We have no idea how the crack started, but once it got started it really wanted to show off. Friday there was no crack. Saturday the crack was about 9 inches in size. We called a glass place in Tulsa and set up an appointment for Monday to get it replaced.

By Sunday the crack ran nearly half-way up the windshield. Sheesh.

Monday my wife took it in to the glass place. She's usually not in Tulsa during the work week, so I got to go have lunch with her. :) Monday was a good day (Imagine that!).

Dig it!Thank goodness, the only attention *my* car required on Saturday was gasoline.

This was short, so enjoy a balloon video.

Monday, April 07, 2008

I Need A Socket Set

Saturday, the battery in Scruffy's car died. He was stranded at the nearby Walmart parking lot, so he called me to see if I could come help. While the "helpful" part is certainly debatable, I was available.

These are fruits you must not tasteI brought some of my tools. I have a fair number of tools, but most of them fall into the "screwdriver" and "wrench" categories. I have no socket wrenches. Socket wrenches were required. So instead of using my tools (impossible), I took Scruffy to his house and we collected up his set.

Scruffy's got a nice Socket Wrench set. It's got Metric and English socket heads. Turns out, this is a very good thing. The brace that holds his battery in place has three bolts... two are English, one is Metric. This boggled my mind... is this common (the bolt thing, not the Jeff's-mind-is-boggled thing)?

ZZZAP!Anyway, we got his battery out. Since he was stranded right there at Walmart, we just carried it in and bought a replacement. While installing the new battery Scruffy asked me, "Does it matter if I do Positive first, or Negative?"

I am not the person to ask when it comes to this kind of automotive voodoo. I shrugged. "I don't *think* it matters." Scruffy attached Positive first, then got a mild electric shock when he attached the Negative side.

Oddly enough, the internet tells me (after the fact) that you should attach Positive first. Weird.

Anyway, I have a small reward for you, since you actually read this far. This is a kickin' story from a co-worker of mine (his wife is a hero!). You'll be impressed, I promise.

Friday, April 04, 2008

Women As Explained By Engineers

I got this in an email. The email, for the record, was from a woman. :)

Thursday, April 03, 2008


Earlier this week, a man walked into my office. He was an older gentleman, white hair, white beard. He walked in full-speed, full of purpose, confident in his destination.

Whoops!About three steps into the office, all of that bravado evaporated in an instant. The look on his face was one of total panic. His eyes bulged out, he gasped in surprise, and then he turned and ran out the door.

I can only assume that he walked in the wrong door, realized his mistake, and then corrected it. But the look on his face was stellar. The panic was total and complete. It was the kind of look you'd expect on the face of somebody who's just seen their favorite puppy explode.

Put that thing back where it came from, or so help me!It was similar to the time that a guy nearly fell into my office face-first. I guess the door here is cursed or something.

In 2 or 3 weeks, we'll be moving our offices to another floor in the building. We'll even have windows. That will likely eliminate the random human invaders. But I'll probably have to start worrying about birds.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Percussive Sounds

I gotta tell ya...I got to hear another gem from Lightyear yesterday. He says that sometimes when he wants to pick on his wife a bit, he'll take an empty diet coke bottle, and whack it against his hand. It makes a "THUNK! THUNK! THUNK!" noise.

Breakfast of champions?In Lightyear's own (slightly paraphrased) words:

"I was sittin' in the livin' room, and I pulled out a Diet Coke bottle and started slappin' it on my hand, you know, THUNK! THUNK! THUNK! And my wife walked in, and she took that bottle away from me.

"I waited for her to leave the room, and then I pulled out another one. THUNK! THUNK! THUNK! She came back in the room and glared at me. She said, 'Don't make me hurt you.'"

As he was telling me the story, the grin on his face couldn't have been any bigger. He proceeded to tell me that "...anyone who tells you women aren't violent is lyin'!"

I'm not sure how or why his wife has let him live this long, but I hope she doesn't do anything drastic anytime soon. You just can't make this stuff up.


Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Tick Bite

SPOON!!!No, this post is *not* an April Fool's joke.

I managed to get bit by a tick over the weekend. Granted, my 'sis and her clan live out in the country, but is it even tick season yet?

Sunday, I thought I had escaped uninjured. Monday morning, I had a spot but no pain. By early Monday afternoon, I would have seriously listened to arguments in favor of amputation.
I wound up at home for most of the afternoon / evening with an ice pack up really high on my right leg. Yeah, *really* high. Don't make me draw you a picture. You wouldn't want to see that picture.

I'm also on some pretty good antibiotics for the next 2 weeks, so I'll be fine.

It's always something on a Monday, isn't it?