Dress Sweatpants

This is real, and I think I kinda need some.

Dress-Pant Sweatpants have arrived!
Dress Pant Sweatpants Officially The Greatest Thing

They are a little pricey at 90 bucks each, but I think I'd only ever need one pair.

That led to the following conversation:

===================

P-Ziddy: freaky weird

Jeff: I kinda want a pair. But I'm afraid that if I get one, I might never take it off.

P-Ziddy: Oh

P-Ziddy: They could be the new Danger Pants

Jeff: Danger Pants: Relaxed Fit.

P-Ziddy: Something tells me you have to wear sandals with socks when you have them on

Jeff: BONUS

Jeff: Whoo-Hoo!

P-Ziddy: The Big Bang Theory has a guy that is always at the comic shop they call Captain Sweatpants. I bet he has those to wear to weddings

P-Ziddy: And church

Jeff: I'm beginning to see that one pair simply won't be enough.

P-Ziddy: Oh no

P-Ziddy: You have to have enough that you can coordinate properly

Jeff: "Honey, do these sandals go with the khaki dress sweats?"

P-Ziddy: Hrm. I wonder. Should I wear the pleated sweats or the flat front ones.

Jeff: Nothing says "Casual Friday" like pleated dress sweat / danger pants.

Jeff: I think I need a pair in fire engine red.

P-Ziddy: Of course

Jeff: You're making the blog with this conversation, by the way.

Jeff: Let the dirty shameful inspiration FLOW

P-Ziddy: It's a talent

P-Ziddy: Or a superpower, depending on which phone booth you look in.

Jeff: I think I'd leave "P-Ziddy in a phone booth" alone, and just wait quietly for you to emerge.

P-Ziddy: ROFL

===================

Trust me, you do NOT want to know what he's doing in that phone booth.

Headlines

I was watching Dr. Phil do a guest spot on the Tonight Show last week, and he mentioned the Slumdog Millionaire story. The news said that the father of one of the child actors was trying to sell her. It turned out to be untrue. Dr. Phil used this as an opportunity to wail on bloggers, saying that the fake story was caused by (paraphrasing) "some blogger kid in his parents' basement, making things up."

Personally, I'd choose a malicious blogger over NBC news any day. But that's not the point... I'm a blogger! I can make stuff up! It worked for a publicity hound in India, why not me?


Michael Jordan un-retires again
Claims, "If I don't, I'm afraid Jeff may eventually break all those records I set"

Classic rock band 'Captain Danger Pants and the Blowfish' cancels new Guitar Hero ad
En route to studio, band converted to Kabala and changed course for Indonesia

Tiny nerd in near-rural Oklahoma sued by the Onion for copyright infringement
The Onion: He didn't even bother to write stories for his headlines! The lazy bum!
Jeff: Aaaaiii! How did they find me?!?

Late Photoshop Jeff Pic

You know that I'm not legally liable if your monitor bursts into flame, right?

No matter how distressing a photo I display, I can't *actually* be blamed for damages (physical or psychological) that you may experience. Especially if I give you a nice bold warning first.

Short-Timer has presented me with the most... you know, I'm honestly not sure which noun is appropriate. But there's no doubt that "most" is the best qualifier for it.

Click here to see something truly memorable.

Caption:

Captain Danger Pants Delivers!

Ask about our piping hot sausage and beefcake special

OK, now you've seen it. The damage is done. Let me help you with some of the post-trauma conditioning.

First of all, don't close your eyes. This image will haunt you. I recommend you immediately focus on something pleasant and colorful. You could search youtube for some old Chevy Chase clips, watch some kids playing, or even hug a puppy.

If you work for a company of any size, then you've had diversity "training". Take a moment to embrace it now. "Some people are just whiter than I am. They're different and that's OK."

Finally, don't let the fresh deep bruises on your soul distract you from practical concerns. If you smell smoke, unplug your computer and walk away. If you've soiled yourself, don't be embarrassed. Under the circumstances, no one can blame you.

I'm truly sorry to have done this to you, but you all know my "Photoshop Jeff" posting policy... if you submit it, I'll post it.

Pleasant dreams. :)

Photoshop Jeff, Danger Pants Results

Well, the response to the Danger Pants event was disappointing. Only three entries, and I did one of them.

But the ones I got were pretty good, so let's get to it. You can click into these to see larger versions of the pics. First up, here's the one I did.



You may find it hard to believe, but that's the closest I've ever been to smokin' hawt hip-hop dance girls. Too bad they were so pixelated.

This one is from V:



That text is a little small at this size, so I encourage you to click into it. It's worth it. "He wears... DANGER PANTS!"

And finally, this one is from P-Ziddy. This one wins the prize, methinks.



I know he pretty much just put my head into a different picture, but this thing cracks me up big-time. Bravo!

As always, you can view all previous Photoshop Jeff pics here.

Photoshop Jeff: Danger Pants

If you haven't seen the Danger Pants story, now would be a good time. For several days after this post went up, I got blog comments from folks referring to me as "Captain Danger Pants". I seem to have struck a nerve.

With that in mind, it's time for a new Photoshop Jeff event! The theme, obviously, is "Danger Pants".

The rules, as always, are pretty simple. Manipulate the photo into something amusing. Please keep in mind that this is a PG blog. :) My submission guidlines are pretty simple: If you send it, I will post it. Send your photo(s) to:

jeff dot w dot mcclung at gmail dot com

Have fun... I'll post all of the responses I get in a week or so. You can see links to previous Photoshop Jeff events at the top of the right column of this site. You can also view all previous Photoshop Jeff pics here.

Danger Pants

I am not, as a rule, a superstitious man. I believe luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity. Even so, I am not immune to the power of infrequent unfortunate patterns.

Almost two years ago, I rear-ended a moron on my way to work. I grumbled, whined, adjusted my driving habits and moved on.

A little more than a year ago, I was hit by a truck that slid out of control on an icy bridge. There's rarely a good time to hear the phrase, "Showered in glass". This was not one of those times.

Later that day my wife and I were picking glass shards out of my clothes when she casually mentioned, "You were wearing these dark green slacks when you wrecked last year."

Panic.

I tried really hard not to hate those pants. But I'd avoid wearing them whenever possible. I started to think of them as the "Danger Pants". If it was wet or icy outside, I'd pretend to be more enamored with the Khaki. If I did end up wearing the Danger Pants to work, I'd drive without blinking or breathing, ready to swerve into "off-road" mode at a moment's notice. During those trips, my heart rate never went below 120. I burned 300 calories per trip on adrenalin alone.

Salvation finally came in the form of a charitable donation. My wife said, "I've been thinking of donating some clothes to Goodwill. Do you want to get rid of anything?" After a brief celebratory shout, I calmly said, "I have at least one item in mind, yes."

Today, the Danger Pants are somebody else's problem. I feel so free!

I just hope I haven't unknowingly brought down doom upon some undeserving soul.